He Came Back To Me

Posted in About Maharajji

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twenty fiveSiddhi Ma had been sitting in Maharaj-ji’s room. When she saw me through the window, she sent somebody to get me. I thought, “Oh why don’t they just leave me alone and let me die? I can’t stand anymore.” But I couldn’t say no. “Yeah, okay, coming.” I got up and walked through the back door, across the courtyard, and into Maharaj-ji’s room. As I came to the door, I saw Ma sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed. Nobody else was in the room. As I crossed the threshold, I was struck by a thunderbolt right in the center of my chest. I fell to the ground like a tree that had been hit by lightning. My heart cracked open, and I felt the incredible sweetness of Maharaj-ji’s presence. I was crying uncontrollably and couldn’t stop. He had come back to me…

I was still lying there on the floor, sobbing, and Siddhi Ma was still sitting there quietly. I kept thinking, “she must think I’m out of my mind.” I tried to stop crying but I couldn’t… Still sobbing, I went back to the swahas and the puja. I was totally out of my mind with bliss. Every cell was dancing. The devotee who was sitting next to me doing the ceremony kept looking over at me and finally asked, “Krishna Das, are you all right?” I couldn’t stop crying…

Later in the day, another great devotee of Maharaj-ji’s named Mrs. Soni saw me walking across the courtyard, crying. She also asked if I was alright. I looked at her and tried to say something, but I couldn’t speak. Holding back tears, I barely managed, “Maharaj-ji…!” At this, her eyes rolled up all the way back into her head. She stood in front of me shaking like a leaf for about a minute before they rolled back down. She looked at me and said, “Exactly!” and then floated off across the courtyard.

[- from Krishna Das, “Chants of a Lifetime,”]